


pull out your heart

by valkyriered



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron)-centric, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Shiro (Voltron)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9466910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriered/pseuds/valkyriered
Summary: After two weeks aboard a Galra ship, Shiro is rescued by his team.





	

When they rescue Shiro from the Galra warship, he needs to be carried out.  
  
It had been two weeks. Two weeks without their leader, without being able to form Voltron. Two weeks of desperate searching like a sick game of hide-and-go-seek.  
  
They’re dysfunctional without him, to say the least. Not having their leader combined with the stress of actually searching for him has them all on-edge, constantly spitting insults and challenges back and forth. Keith wants to find the nearest ship and tear into it, while Pidge favors a more methodical approach. Allura tries her best to step into the vacuum of power, but she ends up frustrated more often than not, and throws her hands in the air before going to check on the weapons systems for the umpteenth time.  
  
When they find him, though, that all dissipates. He’s shirtless and bloody and bruised, his ribs apparent, his skin deathly pale. He stirs when Allura gently picks him up, but only to whine quietly. Pidge reaches out almost reverently to brush a lock of his hair out of his face, but he flinches away from her. She shudders and steps back.  
  
“It’s okay.” Hunk says softly, swiping furiously at the tears forming in his eyes. “Shiro, it’s us.”  
  
Shiro doesn’t seem to have any response to that. He’s already passed out again, and Allura has the sinking feeling that it’s from pain.  
  
She doesn’t have time to dwell on that, though. “Princess, we’ve got incoming.” Crackles over the headset, and along with it comes the sound of Lance’s bayard firing.  
  
“Acknowledged. Keith?”  
  
“Ready when you are.” He says, steadying his lion where it floats outside the rendezvous point. “Is Shiro—“  
  
“He’s alive.” Allura says, hefting him a little closer before nodding at Hunk and Pidge. Lance and Keith’s sighs of relief are clear over the comms, and she takes a moment to be relieved herself. Shiro is alive, albeit damaged. They finally have him again.

* * *

 

  
He doesn’t tell any of them what happened to him. It’s obvious enough— they’d all seen the new, fresh wounds when they put him in the healing pod, but nobody says ‘torture’ and they dance around the subject like it didn’t happen. The only acknowledgement of his lost weight comes in the form of Hunk constantly plying him with treats. Everyone is wary around him, as though a misstep will finally have him falling apart. (He does scream, once, when Pidge touches his arm when he’s not expecting it, and he apologizes profusely before escaping to his room. Pidge valiantly tries not to cry and scurries off to the lab not long after. Neither of them come to dinner that night.)  
  
Allura, for her part, tries to be as dependable as possible. Shiro has always been the rock, and him being so unsteady has thrown the rest of the team off as well. So she takes over as leader as best she can, mediating fights between the Paladins, leading training exercises while he’s still healing. She tries to be there for him, too, but he refuses to be helped. He lies about eating and lies about sleeping with a whole heart, somehow convinced that by letting himself crumble he’s keeping the team from worrying about him.  
  
They worry, though. They all worry. Even Coran, who has tried to remain goofy as ever in order to retain some semblance of normalcy, lets his smile drop when he thinks nobody’s looking. Shiro is straggling and ragged and _sick_ , and utterly convinced that he has to keep going.  
  
She finds him one night staring out the massive bridge windows. She remembers doing the same thing as a child, entranced by the stars, chubby hands pressed to the glass. She remembers naming all the stars that she recognized and knows that Shiro no longer even has the comfort of familiar stars.  
  
“Shiro?” She asks tentatively. Even though she tries to avoiding surprising him, he still flinches at the sound of her voice. He takes a moment to steady himself, still facing the stars, before turning around to offer her a smile. It’s obvious enough that he used that time to put his mask back on, but Allura still smiles back at him. “Do you mind if I join you?”  
  
“Not at all, Princess.” His voice is still a little raspy, but it’s better than when he almost wasn’t able to speak at all. Distantly, she knows he must have screamed quite a bit to destroy his vocal cords like that. She didn’t say anything to the paladins, though. There are things they don’t need to know. “Do you need something?”  
  
She shakes her head before smiling up at him. “It’s good to have you back.”  
  
He smiles back down at her, a more genuine one this time. It’s gentle and sweet and she hates how rare those are. “It’s good to be back.”  
  
They stand there for a while, gazing out at the stars. The bridge is dark and warm, the sound of the castle humming around them strangely comforting.  
  
“Shiro?”  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“How are you feeling?” She asks softly.  
  
She feels him stiffen beside her at the question. “I’m fine.” He says, and the answer is forced and prepared and a _lie_ , and they both know it. “At least I remember what happened to me this time.” He says, like he’s trying to make a joke. And he chuckles like it’s funny, even though it’s really not. And he’s still smirking a little bit when his face suddenly crumples.  
  
“Oh, Shiro.” Allura laments, reaching out to rest a hand on his bicep. He flinches at the contact, but leans into it all the same. He lifts his flesh hand to hide his eyes. “Shiro, it’s _okay_.” He lets out a dry, gasping sob, and she watches as a tear drips out from underneath his hand. “ _Shiro_.”  
  
It’s easy enough to let him slide into his arms, and holding him she can feel how tense he is. Like he’s still not sure about being touched, but needs it all the same. She wraps her arms around him and he shudders and leans against her. “I’m sorry.” He gasps, pulling her tighter against him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ …”  
  
“Shh, Shiro. Hush.” She breathes, rocking him back and forth. He clings to her, and his grip would be painful for anyone smaller or weaker than her. He doesn’t quite cry— he whimpers and moans but it’s all through gritted teeth. Even now, breaking down, he doesn’t allow himself the luxury of truly falling apart.  
  
“I want to go home.” He gasps against her neck. Allura nods, rubbing his back. It’s an unfair reality, that the Paladins can’t go home. They don’t talk about that much, either. Lance is prone to bouts of homesickness, but Hunk is usually able to talk him through it. It’s a miracle that it’s not more of a problem than it is. Although likely enough, they’re all hiding it. Just like Shiro.  
  
“I know, Shiro. I’m so sorry.” She says softly.  
  
“I miss my mom. I want my _mom_.” It’s the most basic cry of a child in pain, and with that, something in him seems to break. He lets out a great, heaving sob. He’s shaking so badly that his legs are barely holding him up, and Allura lets the two of them sink slowly to the ground. It’s easy to forget that Shiro’s a child, too. A leader and a Paladin, but a child all the same. Barely older than the rest of them, and carrying the weight of the entire universe on his shoulders. A weight that she placed there.  
  
He’s half in her lap, his face still pressed to her shoulder, his legs splayed out awkwardly beside him. It must be strange, she thinks, to be too large to be comforted properly. Her own Altean genes allow her to shrink down and scale up as necessary, and she remembers so many times as a teenager shrinking down ever-so-slightly to allow herself to be properly held by her parents. To cling to the comfort of her father, just a little longer. It’s entirely different than her own pain, knowing without a doubt that her father is dead and she will never see him again. But to know that your family is alive, and waiting for you and missing you worlds away— it’s painful in a different way. Allura mourns a world that she’s outlived, but the Paladins are mourning a world that still spins. They’re just too far away to touch it.  
  
She loses herself in thought as she holds him, smoothing his hair and rubbing his back. It becomes almost meditative, and it seems like only moments later when she realizes that he’s stopped crying, that his breathing has become slow and deep. She gently pulls him off of her shoulder, letting him slide down to rest his head in her lap. He’s fallen asleep, although passed out seems like a more accurate description. He’s slackjawed and breathing through his mouth, his nose stuffed up from crying.  
  
“I’m so sorry.” She murmurs softly, carding her fingers through where his hair had turned white. Even where his hair is black and close-cropped, little white hairs are starting to grow in. She has no doubt that in a few years, his hair will be completely white. He’ll look even older than he already does. He’s a child, though. They’re all just children.  
  
It’s easy enough to lift him up and carry him, especially considering how much weight he’s lost. It took the Galra less than two weeks to— to do _this_ to him. To weaken him so significantly. She tucks him a little closer to her. She’s never had any doubts about letting herself be captured in his place, and this only reaffirms it. He’s suffered enough at Galra hands.  
  
He shifts a little when she lays him down in his bed, but he doesn’t wake up. He sleeps like a prisoner, curled up to protect his internal organs. She’s struck by a sudden burst of anger— towards Zarkon, towards the Galra, towards herself for forcing him into this position again and again. Shiro had already suffered so much, what right did she have to put him in a Lion and tell him he’s now personally responsible for leading a team in saving the universe?  
  
They’re all just floundering. The Paladins have confidantes in each other, but even then, they don’t have a parent. There’s nobody to hold them and tell them it will be okay. The closest they have is Shiro, and lately he’s been alarmingly unequipped to handle that. Knowing what he’s been through, she doubts any of the Paladins even feel comfortable going to him with worries that must seem so much smaller. And Shiro, and herself, and Coran— none of them truly lean on each other. She guiltily knows that Coran must be in pain himself, having lost a family the same way she did.  
  
Shiro whimpers in his sleep, his brows knitting together, his hands curling into loose fists. Allura reflexively reaches down to run her hand through his hair, and he quiets immediately, although his shoulders are still tight like he’s waiting to be hurt. “I’m sorry.” She murmurs. The room is silent except for the thrumming of the Castleship and Shiro’s quiet breathing. There’s nobody to reassure her that what she’s doing is right. Nobody is going to cradle her and tell her that she’s on the proper path.  
  
Maybe it’s hypocritical of her to comfort him one moment before sending him into battle the next. But it’s what needs to be done, and it’s her job. She has inherited this weight.  
  
Now all that’s left to do is carry it.

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics taken from "Easy" by Son Lux. not super happy w this so might go through some edits throughout the week
> 
> edit: I have a fandom sideblog now at: https://queenvallkyrie.tumblr.com/


End file.
